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[Caesarsdaughter]

Hi All!

I'm a total n00b and could seriously use some help. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar weight loss/gain experience to mine, and if the SLD has helped them (which would give me some hope!). So I guess I should explain my predicament (and sorry to be all rambley at you guys!):

I'm a little over 5'4" and weigh somewhere in the range of 125lbs. A lot of those pounds are muscle, as the size clothing I'm wearing hasn't really changed. (Depending on the store, between a size 0 and a 4 on the bottom and XS on top.) Although the way my clothes fit TOTALLY has. And not in a pleasant way.

But yeah, yeah, I know. My BMI is just fine. (Can you tell I've already sought out professional medical opinions to help me? I've been getting a pretty standard answer.) And a quest to drop 5 - 8 lbs would seem, I suppose, like I have body dysmorphia or an EDNOS. Which so isn't the case. But I get why my GP and GI are full of, "But you're healthy!" protestations. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that I'm pretty well proportioned and am not overweight or even remotely unhealthy. (I had a physical in the fall and the doctor was floored by my cholesterol - my HDL was 104.)

The problem is that last year, until the fall, I weighed somewhere in the range of 112 - 114lbs. I was much, much happier at the lower weight. My pants fit well (a problem so severe in college that I wouldn't even go clothes shopping, for fear of not finding anything and needing to leave stores in tears of low self-esteem), I had great energy, was in control, and I just felt right at the smaller size... my body finally felt like my own.

I'm 29 and have struggled with my weight since puberty. (I was a very undersized child and then BAM! suddenly it was all hips and breasts and stomach pooch and GIANT thighs. Even at my heaviest, I was never bigger than a size 10 & in the mid-140's. But it was pretty much all fat and bones (no strength at all), and those were some very non-confident 140 pounds. From ages 13 to 27, I have never felt right in my own body. My skeletal frame is very small (my wrists are ridiculously small and my hands and feet are comically tiny), so carrying around 140+ pounds always felt really off. And I always felt I looked so silly. But I'm also impossibly lazy by nature, so it took a very specific instance to finally jar me into health-action.

In 2004, I resolved to stop eating bacon & potato pizzas at midnight and stop eating an order of mozzarella sticks for a light snack. I started to reduce my caloric intake... and then I started to walk for exercise, then to walking with ankle weights. The walking turned into using my elliptical machine (which had basically served as a coat rack for several years)... the elliptical became a stair stepper and weight training... and now I'm using a recumbent bike and a ballet barre. Over time, as I've gotten healthier - and I eat LOTS... just lean meats, lots of veggies, only whole grains, fat free dairy etc - I've consistently shrunk in size, gained muscle, gained confidence in myself, etc. By the summer of 2007, I had hit my goal of 115 pounds. My body fat % had dropped below 20. I could eat what I wanted (and sometimes, yes, I wanted the cheesecake), and still felt in control and like my body, mind, and emotions were all functioning in harmony. It was wonderful!

That lasted about a year.

Last fall, I started a new job which basically gives me a strange schedule (teaching in a college setting - my hours vary from day to day). So I can't spend 90 minutes working out every day anymore... (and there are 2 days per week where I'm lucky to get in 45 minutues) I'm always, always tired. Which, of course, has led me to eat a bit more.

So suddenly (though not surprisingly), I find my weight climbing back up. Not shocking, I guess. Over the past 4 or 5 months, my pants have gotten tighter in the "saddle bag" region of the thighs, my abdomen pooch (which, I totally swear, had basically gone away!!) is hanging over my jeans in an icky and uncomfortable "muffin top" (pants cutting into your waist really, really hurt!), and my arms are starting to jiggle again. Not good. And I'm totally at a loss re: what to do.

Because here's my issue: the actual number of calories I'm taking in vs. burning doesn't seem that wildly different, proportionally, from the number of calories I was taking in vs. burning a year ago. The "more" that I'm eating has tended to be vegetables or fruit or fat free yogurt. On the weekends, I do go a little nuts (Sunday dinners with the family mean food to tasty to resist!) - but I was doing that last year, too! I don't eat any refined carbs, and I don't eat any processed sugars (or any sugars at all, currently, as I'm dealing with a candida issue). I only use heart-healthy oils when I cook (which I do a lot) and I never free-pour. I snack on raw or dry-roasted nuts.

There just seems to be this really, impossibly stubborn increased layer of fat over the muscle I've built up. The muscle is totally under there (I can feel it/see it, depending on the movement I'm making)... I'm just all flabby on top of it! My body fat % has gone up to 24%. I know it's all about calories in, calories out; but when I try to lower the number of calories I'm taking in, the muscle - which has raised my metabolism - demands more food. I can't seem to win. Which is seriously depressing. Which makes me want to snack. (The snack was typically yogurt or an orange or those nuts... but now it's getting to a depressing stage where the snack is some leftovers from last night's dinner or some frozen yogurt.)

The fat increase almost seems like it's hormonal (in which case, if it's age-related, there's little I can do, I guess?). But I'd hate to think that since I'm one year away from 30, the battle I seemed to have won at 27 is actually going to be lost simply due to changing hormones and time. That would seriously suck. Hence my confusion, feeling of total helplessness, and tinge of depression.

And so I turn to the SLD.

Basically, I'm just looking to share my struggle with some people. My friends (and boyfriend of 10 years) think I'm insane, as they'd love me no matter what (and they all loved me just fine when I was heavier). And, of course, I am wearing baggy sweaters to cover my muffin top (which the boyfriend doesn't notice/couldn't care less about). And none of us is judgmental, so no one is staring at how my jeans are now, like, glued to my thighs. Ick.

So first: Has anyone else here experienced this type of long-term WIN! over their weight due to a total healthy change in lifestyle, and then experienced a total backslide?

And second: Can people PLEASE reassure me that AS happens w/SLD? Because the thought of being hungry PLUS having added in an extra 250 calories per day is a little scary.

Thanks so very, very much!! And again - sorry for being so long-winded. (I guess I just needed a little cathartic sharing!)

[goblyn]

1.  I've never experienced any sort of win. LOL, so I'm probably the wrong person to be giving advice but...
2.  I hate to say this, but there is absolutely no guarantee of AS on SLD, particuarly for people who are very close to their goal weight.  If you look at the threads in the My SLD page or the progress/updates page, you'll find that those of us, like me, who are rather overweight have great AS, and for the most part, the closer you get to your goal, the more struggle you have with AS.  Its not necessarily true for everyone, but if you're looking for someone to tell you that there is a 100% guarantee that you will get good AS with SLD, particuarly if you have very little to lose, you're barking up the wrong tree.

If you want to give the SLD a try, go for it, but keep open minded.  Here's what I would suggest:

-Pay attention to the formula for figuring out how many flavor free calories you need per day (1.5-2.5 X your current weight is a good rule of thumb), and start off with that amount.  If you don't see any AS, gradually increase the amount.
-Rather than increasing your ff calories with just oil, I would suggest you try noseclipping food, as you are less likely to eat more calories than you need to, and it worked for Heidi555 another person in a similar boat to you.
-Finally, and I say this not to be snarky or rude, but perhaps you should talk to a therapist or similar about your body image issues.  Just from your post alone, I think the signs are all there that you see fat where other people don't.  While therapy might not necessarily take away weight that is actually there, you may find yourself more accepting of the fact that you aren't actually overweight.  Remember learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.  LOL!

[bigbaddar]

Hi Caesarsdaughter....Welcome aboard...

So you want to nip your weight gain "in the bud"....Okay........Give it try......We'll answer your questions as best we can...offer advice...tidbits...tips....

Decide which SLD method you'd like to try....
Post your progress...
Join in the other discussions about food, exercise, very stubborn set point, etc.
Put a ticker at the end of your posts....(Visuals work for me)

Hope you lose all of the pounds you want to...

Dar

[m.c.]

Jaysus. I think you are my twin minus 12 years. My experience is identical to yours. I'm working on it but do not have the answers. You have nothing to lose with SLD. Don't be afraid give it a shot ( glass) :lol:

P.S. altho' I'm struggling right now my experience is not the norm and I feel sure I am going to figure it out.

Some form of oil will give you AS most likely. You'll just have to be your own guinea pig.

[Caesarsdaughter]

Holy crap! I just took a gander at your blog - yeah, we seem pretty damned similar.  Tres weird. (Though, no kids here - just cats. One of whom is problematically asthmatic.) And those cookies look pretty tasty - when I can have sugar again, I'll have to try them!

Spurred by compulsion and curiosity, I tried canola this morning... and of course, being insanely impatient, I am slightly annoyed that I'm feeling the hunger... I might not be feeling a desire to eat, though. I did just eat several handfulls of nuts and come celery and carrots. But I kind of felt like I was doing it because I was feeling hungry and I know that if I eat food, I will be less hungry. (I really hate pain; and hunger = pain.) If that makes any sense?

... In your experience, is AS really more of a psychological thing than a physiological thing?

[Heidi 555]

Hi CD.  My build and height is the same as yours.  I'm small boned and have small wrists, hands, and feet.  I'm small or extra small on top, and a size 4 for pants.  Wishing I was a bit more muscular.  I bet that SLD will help you, especially if you don't mind very slow gradual weight loss.  The less you weigh the slower it goes. 

The fat increase almost seems like it's hormonal (in which case, if it's age-related, there's little I can do, I guess?).

My experience is that this is a gradually worsening thing that gets especially bad in your 40s.  You're still young enough that your situation is workable.

If you don't want the extra calories from oil, you can nose clip something that you'd already be eating.

AS is definitely physiological. 

Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes.

[Hannah85]

Hi! I'm brand new as well! I started SLD yesterday and took my 2nd dose of ELOO today. I've been lurking for awhile on this forum without posting, but felt compelled to register so that I could post a reply here because... as m.c. has said, my experience is almost close to identical as yours! I'm 5'6" and currently weigh around 117. I've struggled with my weight since puberty like you, and weighed around 130-140 for most of my teen and college years. Then after reading "Intuitive Eating" (high recommended!), I gradually got down to 107 over a year. I kept at this weight for about two years, then after I took a new job, WHAM--I shot up to 120 in what seems like overnight! It was sooo frustrating and I've been so unhappy and uncomfortable in my skin ever since. I can't seem to shake this weight off no matter how hard I try, hence stumbling upon SLD and trying it out of sheer desperation.

I know it's only been 2 doses since I started SLD (I'm starting with 1T ELOO first thing in the morning), but already, I could tell that I'm getting AS. For me (so far, at least), it's not so much I'm losing interest in eating food, but I seem to get fuller on smaller amount. I'm hoping that SLD has an accumulating effect, and that the AS will only get stronger w/ time. Oh, I've also bought a nose clip (which I use w/ ELOO), and plan to use it for other foods as well. I've read somewhere that Heidi uses it for anywhere from 60-90% of her total calories--I don't think that I'm there yet, but I'll perhaps start with 300-400 calories and see if that intensifies the AS.

I really do think that I know how you feel... don't lose hope! Good luck to you!

[m.c.]

Heidi is absolutely correct, AS is physiological. When I had a larger amount of weight to lose 2 years ago drinking eloo not only made me feel full most of the time but took away all interest in food. Now that I have less to lose AS tends to be subtler. Sometimes I'll feel really full all day. Mostly I just feel a great deal more stuffed on smaller amounts of food.

For example for breakfast I ate 1 piece of flax bread and less than 1/4 cup of cottage cheese. I was not hungry until 3:00 and then I ate a greek salad lightly dressed with about 2 oz. chicken breast( no olives, no egg, light on the feta ). Dinner was 1 small bowl of fish soup ( broth) and 1 small dish of cabbage salad ( no mayo). I am stuffed.

That's the good news. Now that's a pretty typical day. Why my body is not shedding the waist pudge is beyond me. And like you I know I look fine to everyone else but having been at a lower weight for some time and eating more and feeling good I am not ready to settle into The Spread. :lol:

[Clarinette]

I wonder, could it be that you don't eat enough ? .... but look at me, I am surely not a expert!

[Polaroid Doll]

Caesarsdaughter:

It sounds like you're going through what I went through a few years ago. I'm 37 now, so I've dealt with some of the early body composition changes that women deal with... I've managed to get back down to my pre-slide weight, and am currently maintaining it. Some simple suggestions:

1. Start looking at your running-average weight, not your daily weight. Daily weight fluctuations can cause panic and result in doing stupid things (like reducing calories too much, which results in a super-slow metabolism and further weight problems). You can find on-line trackers (like Hacker's diet), or make your own calculator using Excel or a similar program. Using your running average will help you maintain a positive outlook.
2. Make simple changes to reduce calories in food. No-fat or low-fat instead of full fat, reduce the total amount of fat used (esp. when sauteing), increase the vegetable-to-meat or vegetable-to-dairy ratio, etc. And be careful with the nut intake; I love nuts too, so I know how easy it is to eat a lot. They're healthy, but incredibly calorie dense, so measure your portions. It's incredible to read that your HDL is so high (mine is only 64), and it makes me wonder: are you possibly getting too much of a good thing?
3. Integrate small periods of activity into your day. This really helped me. A five or ten minute walk outside, if that's as much time as you have, is better than sitting indoors. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. These things may seem small, but they truly do add up over the course of the day.
4. Whatever you do, DO NOT reduce your calorie intake too much. I've been there...and it took a very long time for my body to readjust to being able to eat a "normal" amount of food without worrying about it sticking directly to my hips. Slow and steady works best. And before you decide you want to decrease your weight further, remember this: the total number of calories you can eat without gaining weight is related to your body mass; if you lose weight, you will either need to either increase your activity level or decrease your food intake accordingly, or your weight loss won't be maintained. You'll need to decide whether or not this is worth it.

Best wishes to you! 

[Caesarsdaughter]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies!! It's wonderful to feel a part of something so early in the process; and you all sure do know how to make a girl feel welcome!

PD: The running-weight is an excellent idea. I'm kind of a scale-o-phobe to begin with... the only reason I even have a scale (got my first when I was 27) is because I have a seriously asthmatic cat who - due to steroid use to control the asthma - became obese and was diagnosed with transient type-2 diabetes... we had to get her weight from 15.5lbs to 12.5lbs and without a scale, I couldn't tell if she'd achieved her goal weight. And the only way to weigh a cat on a bathroom scale is to weigh yourself holding the cat and not holding the cat. So I wound up with an occasional accounting of my weight. I've always tried to gauge my weight by muscle tone and how my clothes fit. But since now neither is really working out for me, I think I might shift to checking my progress on a scale. At least so I know if I'm doing my variant of SLD right or wrong for my body.

Clarinette: I'm pretty sure I eat enough; in fact there are many days when I am 100% sure I eat waaaaaay more than I should. I'm a college instructor and I love it, but it's a tiring job... so on the weekends, I'm not really into the whole "moving around" thing. So I've started to skip workouts because of fatigue. (And also a bit of inertia. So bad, I know.) But I haven't altered how much I eat. Which is normally in the range of ~1800 to ~2200 calories/day. (Which WAS totally sustainable at a very low weight. Now - not so much.)

Heidi555, MC, and Hannah85: It's good to know that there are people who have shared this struggle. Not in a "misery loves company" way, but in a "there's hope!" way. Heidi, your success is truly inspiring. And the idea that I might be able to "decide" how much to weigh is a truly awesome one to me. Even when I was smaller, a lot of that smallness came from having the freedom of time and the energy to exercise almost 2x as much in a week as I do now. So now I have hope!!

Goblyn: You are 100% correct; I do have serious body-image issues. However, speaking as a sociologist who has done quite a bit of research on this topic, it's pretty safe to say that the majority of American women in my age bracket (18 - 35) share in "body-image issues." I've considered seeing some kind of therapist to talk about it, but then I wonder if it's worth it, considering that I'm pretty much happy with myself in every other area. (Not that I think I'm awesome or anything - I'm just comfortable in who I am.) But even barring those issues and any quirk of perfectionism from which I might suffer, the simple truth my pants don't fit right anymore. So psychology aside, there's a physiological truth that I need to deal with... otherwise I need to spend a whole lot of money that I don't have (thanks, crash of the global economy!!) on new pants.

[Polaroid Doll]

Ceasersdaughter:

  So I'm going to point out one quick thing from what you've posted...you say that you were able to maintain the lower weight when you were exercising twice as much, and that this shows that it's possible for your body to be maintained at the lower weight. And you're correct, but only if you're willing to exercise the same amount again. It's not a change in you metabolism that is responsible for you weight creeping up slightly, it's a busy schedule that's preventing you from maintaining your previous level of activity. It's important to understand this before you start searching for a solution.
  It may be possible to achieve the lower weight through dieting (SLD or any other diet which sufficiently lowers your caloric intake), but you face the very real chance that restricting calories will change you metabolism, but not in a good way, especially if you restrict it too much... So if you decide to go the diet route, be smart about it and don't do anything drastic.
  It sounds like you're in a pretty good situation to critically evaluate diets and dieting methods, given your academic background. As difficult as it might be, try to detach yourself from the process and look at it as an outsider, and follow your instinct. I think many of us could have avoided previous mistakes had we just asked ourselves the simple question: "Does this really make sense?".
  You mentioned being an 'instructor', so I'll assume this is either adjunct faculty or a full time instructor at a technical institution? If this is correct, you'll spend most of your time teaching and a small amount in service to the institution (little or no research to worry about, and this is a real time killer!!). Understand that the first time teaching a new course is the most difficult, because you need to prepare everything from scratch: lecture notes, handouts, quizzes, exams, etc... In subsequent semesters, you will be able to re-use most of these materials, and your time commitment will go to a more manageable level. Bide your time, try to stay sane, and keep sight of the fact that you'll have more time to return to your previous activity levels soon.
  Best wishes!