Reactions from Other People

[Del]

So, I have a couple of friends - both of whom are significantly shorter than I am.  We've been friends for years and years and they've been very supportive of my weight loss.  But lately as I've lost a significant amount of weight and really started looking different, I've started noticing more . . . unsupportive behavior.  One of them has started offering little biting comments about my size.  Nothing major and nothing that even sounds bad when I repeat it.  I guess it's more tone of voice.  The other has started getting very upset with me as I approach her weight.  There's been some complaining that I'm making them look bad and when one of their husbands commented on how nice I looked I thought I might be murdered in my sleep.  I really don't think I'm doing anything to provoke them.  I'm not talking about SLD or gloating over my weight loss except to my mother.

Has anyone else noticed this kind of behavior from others?  Do y'all think I'm over-sensitive to it (I completely acknowledge the possibility)?  Do y'all think it's mostly attributable to age and stage (we're all in the 25 range)?

I'm mostly puzzled and curious.

Del

[nimi]

Oh no, you aren't imagining it at all.  People get really threatened when some one in their circle loses weight.  I had a friend once tell me I was a "traitor" when I lost a lot of weight.  Even skinny friends/loved ones act weird.  They think you will change, or it'll upset the way things are or you'll get skinnier than them. 

[rps930]

Hi Del, that happens wether you are 25 or 60, just something about human nature, that I have my place here, and you are usurping it.  My older friends are talking, yeah, she will regain plus 10 more, that is some of their attitudes, but with sld, gonna prove them wrong!  Don't get me wrong, some of the friends are very happy with my success, and want to know more about how I did it, but they  just don't believe drinking oil is the answer, only 2 are using the program, and having success.  Your friends will accept you no matter the size, just be patient with them.
Lana

[go2grl]

I hope you realize it's all about them not anything you are doing (other than losing weight!). They feel worse about themselves when they see your success, hear a husband praise your loss, etc.  That doesn't mean that they can't, at some level, also be happy for you and your success too.  Hopefuly they just need time to adjust.

Your choices seem to be to ride it out, confront them (gently or not) or look for others who are more accepting & supportive. Most of all, don't apologize for going for and getting the body you have! You deserve it and they need to back you up!

[Del]

*sighs*  I am profoundly glad that it's not just me.  And that I'm not hallucinating.  I love both of these women immensely and I'm not going to drop them unless they really make my life miserable.  It's just irritating that they're all for my weight loss until I actually start to look better.  At this point, I'm just ignoring as this is fairly recent behavior and it may change as they adjust to the idea that I'm not going to be "the fat one" much longer.

Thanks so much for the support y'all.

Del

[lvivianka]

good for you - stick to it. my aunt just told me that I should not lose so much weight so quickly - I have not really lost so much and it has been many months. it's funny how people react.  she said it is not healthy; actually it is more unhealthy to have so much weight.  she is 98 and thinks way differently than the rest of us, so I just listen and continue drinking oil.

[shinju_chan]

Ahhhhh, just wait until you drop below the "overweight" category, then you'll really hear it.  Don't worry about it, just do it for yourself.

It will teach you alot about culture, and about human nature; just what other people consider "normal" and "healthy".  I think it's really sad, personally, that alot of people back home are more worried about me now, at a time when I feel the most in control of my health, than when I was overweight; and this was even before I found SLD.

I hope that this diet will change people's perspective of what healthy, normal, and "thin" really is.

[falconcy]

Funny you should say that. The dragon used to have an issue with my weight, now I've lost a lot, she still has an issue. There is simply no pleasing some people

[mpq]

I think people feel threatened. They feel the pressure is on them now to lose weight.

[shemsheli]

Has anyone else noticed this kind of behavior from others?  Do y'all think I'm over-sensitive to it (I completely acknowledge the possibility)?  Do y'all think it's mostly attributable to age and stage (we're all in the 25 range)?

I have a flip side:  I find POSITIVE reactions difficult to deal with.  My whole adult life, I've been around BMI 24-26 and comfortable in this range, but a couple of years ago I lost weight to be less than ever in my adult life, around BMI 22. 

I'm single and looking, and used to a moderate amount of attention.  When I lost weight, I got much more attention, and it bugged me that some of these guys would not have liked me before. I also had to talk to more people at a social event than before since the initial interest was so superficial and low yield, so lots of guys would want to talk with me at first, and many of them wouldn't be interested after a few minutes since naturally we had nothing in common since they'd only been interested in my appearance. 

I ended up gaining the weight back, partly because of some transitory stress and partly because I felt ambivalent about the reaction.  Now I'm back in my usual range, and trying again to lose weight (have lost a few pounds so far), and am hoping the situation will feel more manageable this time.

Thoughts?  Anyone with similar experiences? 

[Vronnie]

Hi shemsheli I had a similar experience years ago. I used to have hair down almost to my bottom & was used to getting lots & lots of attention.....i just thought men liked me...then I cut my hair quite short...whallah....where did all the men go? Very interesting & sobering experience indeed.

[shinju_chan]

I guess I could also say the positive side of losing has been getting more male attention, like now they actually open the door for me instead of pretending I'm not there. Ha! 

Interesting experience with short hair as well; I cut my hair a little shorter recently, but for many years I would never cut it because short hair+bass player apparently makes me look like I'm interested in women, or so I'm told.  After realizing I wasn't getting any attention from men for ages, I grew it out again and lo and behold, the attention from men picked up again.  After that I told people I would always keep my hair long for "advertising reasons."

[sparetire]

I've lost weight a couple of times in the past (20-30lbs), people only seem concerned for my health, that I'm not eating or ill. Just as well, because I'd be back to "normal" soon enough. This time, people can see me eating normally -- but in moderation -- and there seems just to be a little resentment that I'm able to eat the same foods they do but be skinny! People want someone who's "dieting" to be suffering!!

I can only speak to the long-hair thing being a male. But my wife had short hair when she caught my attention. And my best friend from college had a huge short-hair-on-women fetish.

Come on, the back of a woman's neck (nape in poetry-speak) has long been known to poets and punks alike as being very sexy. Perhaps you're just not noticing the glances are from side and behind now! And the nape is the sole source of bodily exposure of a Geisha!

[shinju_chan]

I can only speak to the long-hair thing being a male. But my wife had short hair when she caught my attention. And my best friend from college had a huge short-hair-on-women fetish.

Come on, the back of a woman's neck (nape in poetry-speak) has long been known to poets and punks alike as being very sexy. Perhaps you're just not noticing the glances are from side and behind now! And the nape is the sole source of bodily exposure of a Geisha!

Oh, why thank you.  You made my day    (I'm too easy to please sometimes *sigh*....)

[Nufftin]

shinju_chan: I give you the example of Tina Weymouth -- short hair, bassist, and sleeping with the drummer.