Wonderful words, Pinkmug.† †You just have a way.† This thread has been so much fun to read.
In my work, I come in contact daily with a lot of men of all ages.† In reading the posts here, something struck me as very familiar.† I have felt for some time that men in your age group, djdawgómid to late forties, seem to have an outlook on life that is quite different from those in other age groups.† I canít speak to the reasons why, but have always felt that it has something to do with their particular life experiences, perhaps of being an adolescent in the late seventies to early eighties.† As a group, I find them rather blunt, and communication with them is often difficult. And I donít mean to generalize, either. I hesitate to call it shallowness, but it sometimes feels a little like misogyny.
Iím 41, and I feel that I get a lot more attention and appreciation from men aged 50 and up than from the aforementioned group, and I donít mean that I am looking for it, either.† And guys in their late 30ís-early 40ís may or may not consider me hot, but they seem to just like me more than your age group does.† Facinating, no?† I would love to hear a sociologistís view on this. So, jddawg, I think itís possible that you may indeed be speaking for a lot of men in your age group, and I agree that you may be just the messenger, or at least that you sincerely consider yourself so.† Iím not at all surprised that you persisted on this subject as you did, as it is typical of the men that I know in your age group, too. I mean this in the most factual way, really. You may or may not have meant to insult older women, but I tend to believe that fundamentally, you did (mean to, that is).† I do know that when we were 20, we certainly didnít care what a 10 or 15 year old thought, and should apply that same perspective if we are older than 45 now.
Oh, and my husband, who is 53, was reading this thread also, and actually said that I should post a recent picture of myself (when pigs fly!).† But that says something, and it's all I need.
Interesting post Trina and there certainly could be something to that.† (hmmm...I'm actually OPEN to looking at my thought processes when it's brought up in an intelligent and non-insulting manner - take note everyone!)
It's too bad that we are only able to learn and get to know each other through posts as I'm sure when presenting ourselves on the boards, there are many parts missing to our personalties.† At this point, you see me as a non communicative, shallow, border line misogynist.† †I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.
I have been married before and have never had problems in communicating.† I was in a three year relationship with someone that had difficulty communicating.† I would sit down with her numerous times and asked her what could we do to make this relationship a "10!"† She never shared very much and I would share with her in a very loving, non-threatening manner some of the things that I needed from her.† I would ask her what could I do for her that I wasn't doing presently.† I am very comfortable with sharing my feelings and I am well versed in HOW to do it so it brings about open, healthy communication.†
Contrary to what you have found with men my age, I find that my generation is full of men that are very sensitive, embracing many female qualities and in many ways have lost their manhood because of our environment.† I'm not saying your experience isn't true at all!† I'm not doubting that so don't get me wrong...I'm just telling you that I found different results and I probably have had† a larger pool of subjects to deal with.† I have also found that any other men younger then me are typically about the same.† When I think of non-communicative men I think of my father.† He is not alive anymore but he did not communicate AT ALL!† He did the silent treatment and it drove my mother crazy...with good reason!† I possibly heard "I Love You" from him maybe a dozen times in my life.† I'm not saying he as a bad man at all - quite the contrary.† He was a hardworker/workaholic and he provided for us at all times.† That WWII generation is the group I think about when I think of men that don't communicate.
To be honest I think there is a movement going on where men are trying to reclaim what it is to be a man.† Men my age were raised to be sensitive caring individuals (which is great!) but somewhere along the way while learning these new skills, we put aside some of our manhood.† I'm not sure why that happened but I cannot tell you how many times I hear women now-adays remark that they're looking for a "real man."† (and when they go on to describe what that means - because I always ask them - they come up with the typical stereotypes that Pink detests so much.)† They mention the words, in control (not controlling!!!!!)† successful, decisive, not wimpy, not too sensitive....you know - a man!† It runs kind of against how we were taught and perhaps men my age are trying to get back to this "stereotype" and we feel we are leaders in a way...trying to pave the way for our younger counterparts.† I'm not a man that sits on the couch and demands dinner at 6pm when I walk in the door and doesn't do anything around the house and leaves his dirty underwear lying around.† When I'm with someone I take part regularly in household chores, try to help out with meals (although this is my least favorite part...heck, I'll go shopping for everything if you cook it.† That's the one thing I hate is wondering "what are we eating tonight?")† pick up after myself (and often pick up after my significant other - same woman that was non-communicative)† and to be honest, as much as I like baseball I'd rather walk the beach with my lady then sit and watch the ball game. I think there are women that are threatened by this and have seen men be the wimpy, scrotumless creatures that we have been in many ways and now we're finally waking up and trying to be more balanced. That we don't NEED to be controlling s.o.b's that drink beer everynight and fart in bed when we're with our wives but we also don't have to go the other way where we display too many feminine qualities...
I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to defend myself so much here but the words of some of the other posters are quite biting and EXTREMELY judgemental.† It's one thing to "judge" a group (as many think I've done with women but I'm just basing it on FULL experiences and observations) and it's quite another to make statements about someone on a chat board.† It's as if all the other things that I have posted regarding why I think this or that is falling on deaf ears...selective hearing...and that is incredibly unfair and just so inaccurate.†
I'll end this with a quote from an email from the girl in question that I dated for about 3 yrs...(didn't communicate, kind of messy - that one)† she remarked how much she always liked that I was a "very caring man".....
So go ahead and everyone keep on reading the words in my posts that you only CHOOSE to read and ignore everything else...at least with my conclusions and statements I did not arrive at them with only bits and pieces of information.†
One more thing Trina...do you really think that someone who has "difficulty with communication" would be able to express the things that I have in the way that I have?† I doubt it..........